My good Catholic friend, waiting for the day when, as he puts it, I will return to the bosom of Mother Church, departed enough from his usual calm, polite demeanour to ask anxiously, ‘When you die and appear before God, what are you going to do?’

He was indirectly referring to my atheism, that unforgivable sin of absence of faith that would instantly consign the sinner to the flames of hell. He repeated his question, even more anxiously, ‘When your soul appears before Almighty God in judgement, and you suddenly realize that you have doubted His very existence these many years and are now facing eternity…’ His voice trailed off in genuine concern as he painted, for my own good, that most awful scenario. He was probably already planning to redouble his prayers for my salvation.

His assumptions were the classic Christian ones regarding the next life: one’s soul, once it is out of the body at death, returns to God the Creator, to be judged and accordingly dispatched to Heaven or Hell (there is a third place called Purgatory which seems to come in for less mention), thence to be either happy with God or to be tormented by the Devil, forever and ever, since the soul is immortal.

As an obdurate atheist, I of course share none of these assumptions. But his question was asked in all honesty, and therefore deserved an honest answer. I decided to go along with his assumptions, and see how far I could go, using only the atheist’s reason and logic.

‘So my soul appears before God,’ I replied. ‘He has one of two choices—to accept me into Heaven, or send me to Hell. The first He can’t do, as I have not believed in Him, and the second He can’t do either, since even atheists live reasonably good lives and try to do as much good as they can. Indeed, if He decided to send me to Hell, I could tactfully remind Him that, despite my many faults, I have lived a better life than those He had been regularly admitting to Heaven, including, for instance, those awful scheming cardinals and bishops in His church, those dreadful conquistadors who sailed to pagan civilizations, bearing the holy cross, to rob and kill, those crusaders who slaughtered thousands. All of them would have been condemned even in earthly courts and tribunals of justice. So how could God show less justice than His own creatures? I don’t mean to put God in a quandary, but that’s exactly the situation that even humans often experience when they have to pass judgement on their fellow humans. They can refer the case upwards to the Supreme Court for instance, but poor God has no one higher to consult!’

My friend said irritably, ‘God doesn’t have to consult anybody,’ and added, with distinct displeasure, ‘You’re being very frivolous. Have you no fear of hell fire?’

I said, ‘Well, if God decides to send me to Hell despite the glaring injustice, then maybe He’s not exactly someone whom one would like to spend eternity with.’

My friend said in exasperation, ‘It’s no use talking to you!’ and walked away. Later, good-hearted person that he is, he relented and said, ‘But I’ll never give up praying for you.’

I said, touched by his concern, ‘Thank you, that’s most kind.’

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About Vignettes...

A continuing flow of little, readable pieces that will constitute what I feel is an important 'legacy of values' to leave behind. Read more about Vignettes...