There has been no end to the stream of books, academic research studies, journalistic articles, as well as entertainment media offerings, on the theme of the gender war. And there will be no end to its being played out in every domain of human activity where the genders meet and interact, whether it be the institution of marriage, the workplace or the singles’ bar. The feelings engendered could range from undisguised hostility to deep suspicion to amused acceptance—from both sides.

I had long ago decided that to reduce the enormous complexity of the differences between the male and the female sex, which go right back to our biological origins in our long evolutionary history, millions of years ago, to simplistic debates with such titles as ‘Male superiority—myth or reality?’ and ‘Will women make men redundant?’, would be both futile and misguided.

My lectures as a guest lecturer on cruise ships, invariably includes one on the gender war, but with a difference. It is titled ‘Adam and Even—a lighthearted look at the war of the sexes’, and it is exactly that—good-natured bantering and fun. The lecture is actually no more than an excuse for sharing my favourite jokes, witticisms, anecdotes, observations, etc. on the perennially absorbing topics of love, courtship and marriage; the philandering or cuckolded husband, the dirty old man, the gold-digger, honeymoon disasters, etc. It is still the same conflict between the sexes, but couched in terms that are not only inoffensive but completely acceptable, because they enable men and women to laugh together, as human beings with the same human foibles, not on opposite sides of the gender divide.

Among the topics that the male part of my audience most enthusiastically relate to—very surprisingly, indeed—is that of the Henpecked Husband. I have no idea why they roar with such amusement when I tell jokes about the poor little man quaking in terror before his fearsome wife. The two following jokes seem to be their favourite:

1. A very henpecked husband is fed up of his domineering wife. He confides his problem to a friend who advises him to attend a course that is being conducted in town, specifically to enable timid husbands to assert themselves. So the man attends the course, and true enough, comes back a changed person, brimming with confidence. He roars to his wife, ‘I am now the master of the house, the lord of the castle! You will do exactly what I tell you. If I want a meal now, guess who will cook me a nice juicy steak? You. If I want a bath now, guess who will run the water? You. Now I want to go out with the boys. Guess who will lay out the tuxedo?’ And the wife says softly, ‘The undertaker.’
2. A similarly henpecked husband is in a bar, speaking in a loud voice that clearly he does not dare use at home. He is telling his friends about a rousing fight he had with the wife the night before. The friends are surprised and interested. They gather round him. At one point in the narration, he says proudly, ‘Then she got down on her knees and came crawling towards me.’ Very impressed, the friends ask, ‘Well, what did she say?’ And then comes the moment of truth. The henpecked husband says gloomily, ‘She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you worm!”

I think I understand why the men on the cruise ships simply love these Henpecked Husband jokes that poke fun at their gender. The jokes provide the opportunity, possibly the only one they’ll ever have, of being able to turn to their wives in the presence of a witness, and point out a marital injustice in need of immediate correction, ‘You realise, dear, don’t you, that I am a henpecked husband!’

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About Vignettes...

A continuing flow of little, readable pieces that will constitute what I feel is an important 'legacy of values' to leave behind. Read more about Vignettes...